When my second child was a baby, I think six or seven months old ;), I had set her in her crib momentarily so I could do something.
Who knows what - probably just a trip to the bathroom by myself. I think I was still in shock that you could just set a baby down and it wouldn’t try to immediately climb out and go set something on fire or climb on the counter to play with knives. (My oldest is a Sagittarius male, IYKYK. So is my youngest. Pray for me).
Anyway.
She started screaming so I ran over to her only to find that she was poking herself in the eye and wouldn’t stop. (I don’t know that I can blame this on her being a Gemini, but it definitely was indicative of future stubbornness in fixing simple, self-inflicted problems. BTW, her sister is also a Gemini. IYKYK. Pray for me.)
I think about that often because that’s where a lot of my problems come from - sticking my finger in my eye and refusing to take it out and then crying about it.
Or in my case, trying to live out of alignment with who I am and how I was made and then throwing a tantrum about it and being insufferable and blaming my frustration on everyone else when I feel like a prisoner in my own life.
I know I’m not the only one.
There’s a reason I’m so into the Zodiac and Enneagram and what not. I love to know people and understand them better so we can connect on a deeper level.
It’s also crucial to know myself so that I can love myself deeper and get a better understanding of how I was made so I can live in alignment with that.
Recently, Human Design has been a big part of better understanding myself. Or rather, understanding myself in a way that I can put into action in everyday life. I first learned about it a few years ago, but recently, it’s been more and more helpful.
What is Human Design? Here’s the AI overview:
Human Design is a holistic system blending ancient wisdom (Astrology, I Ching, Chakras) with modern science (Genetics, Physics, Quantum Mechanics) to create a unique “energetic blueprint” (BodyGraph) for each individual, revealing your true potential, decision-making strategy, and purpose, helping you live authentically by trusting your inner authority over mental conditioning. It categorizes people into 5 Energy Types (Manifestor, Generator, Manifesting Generator, Projector, Reflector) to guide how you use your energy, offering strategies to reduce resistance and find flow in life.
Every morning, I sit down with my journal and pray, “God, would you speak to me,” and the response is, “Write this down.” Sometimes He’s cheeky and pops that George Strait song in my head. (Incidentally, I kind of hate that song as it’s intended but if you think about God talking to us, it just hits different.)
Anyway.
In diving deeper into my Human Design (HD) blueprint, I’ve noticed how a lot of the things specific to my type are things God has told me when I journal.
Kind of creepily so.
But I’m super dense sometimes and he has to tell me things over and over again in lots of different ways until I finally get it.
What I’ve learned from HD is that when I’m in alignment, I feel satisfied at the end of the day. My energy is fully spent and I go to bed content, eager to get up in the morning with lots of energy.
When I’m out of alignment, I feel frustrated. My natural energy is replaced with exhaustion, yet I feel super angsty like I need to move. The frustration makes me want to burn everything down.
It’s taught me that when I feel frustrated, I need to get honest about what’s out of alignment in myself. (Big duh, I know.)
It’s been especially helpful in business because I’ve learned that my type cannot do … basically everything I’ve been doing. Or at least the way I’ve been doing it.
I’m multipassionate and need variety in my work because I have so many different skills and interests. I’m meant to respond to things based on my gut intuition, not sit around and think of ideas to pursue. I’m meant to try things on and see how they feel and walk away when they don’t fit anymore. I do my best work in short projects where I can strategize and do creative problem solving. I’m made to get in, solve a problem, and get out. I was made to soak up information like a sponge and teach and coach in a meaningful way.
Doing the same thing on repeat kills me, especially if it doesn’t feel meaningful.
So my charcuterie catering business? Killing me slowly, one salami rose at a time.
Trying to pick just one thing to focus on and presenting it in one perfect little package? Recipe for disaster, even though I ALWAYS try to do that. Should it be a clue that I HATE following recipes?
Coming up with an idea out of the blue, especially one that involves a long-term commitment? Just stick a fork in my eye because that would be more enjoyable.
HD being everywhere for me right now has been a literal God-send because it’s opened my eyes to the seemingly little things I’ve been doing that have gotten me to my current state of frustration.
In case you couldn’t tell by now - I’ve been feeling very frustrated lately.
(Honestly, the text I sent to my bestie recently telling her that I feel like my soul is dying and I want to burn it all to the ground should have been a major red flag. I’ve sent her that message a LOT over the years when I need to re-align. Again, I’m super dense sometimes.)
HD has also given me the suggestions I need, that have been re-iterated in my journaling, to get back to a place of alignment.
Happy sigh. Frustrated Nina is an insufferable bitch.
I’m not saying this to evangelize Human Design, though I am fully for seeking out ways to understand yourself better so you can live fully in alignment with how God made you because it’s important for your purpose in life.
I’m mostly in awe that whenever I’m frustrated and feel out of alignment, God will gently put the things in front of me that I need to realize that I am indeed out of alignment and if I course correct within myself, my external world will be so much better.
And then he’ll straight up tell me when I journal that yes, that’s what he was doing because when he tells me point blank, I don’t listen all that well.
He wants us to know ourselves well so that we can fully step into who we are made to be - fully alive. It’s not meant to be an unsolvable mystery. It’s supposed to be a fulfilling journey.
Alignment is the way forward.
My aligned way forward is closing down my food service business to pursue writing, teaching and coaching.
I’ll be talking more about God- and self-awareness here. Sacred Home Nourishment is where I’ll share more practical, how-to stuff, with the occasional essay, on thriving at home, marriage, intentional parenting, and the art of peasant maxing. Mystic Weight Loss is where I’ll be coaching on how to nourish your body and shed the excess weight by approaching food with awareness and delight. Lastly, I’m still open for marketing coaching and projects that feel in alignment. Expect a mix of online classes, workshops, digital products, and coaching programs from each.
