Hi, I’m Nina, a Catholic Mystic (with a heavy emphasis on the mystic). The purpose of Redeeming Home is to help you dig deep into your awareness of God and self (read what I mean in my Manifesto of Love) so you can feel at home with who you are and create a life of joy, meaning and purpose. Welcome.

Back when I homeschooled my kids, one of the first things I taught them was how to find information.

It usually went something like this, “For the love of God, I am not the Google. Go look it up yourself.”

If they wanted to know something, they would go search it up.

But I also made a point to teach them to question things they found and were told. Yes, it has bitten me in the ass as a parent many times but I believe that it’s worth my own frustration to be able to raise adults who don’t just accept whatever they’ve been spoon fed.

Instead, I want them to ask, “Who profits most from this?” 

Does this serve the highest good of all involved? Or is it to create a mindless follower? Is this really for my benefit? Or is it just lining the pockets of someone who has figured out that instilling fear is a great way to control people (it’s really easy to get money out of people you control).

Lastly, I’ve encouraged them to listen to their intuition and feel things out for themselves based on the information they’ve found. And to just trust that sometimes when you know, you know.

I did this mostly because, um, duh. That’s my job as a parent.

But also, I just couldn’t believe how many adults I would deal with in person and on my blog who would not just look for what they wanted to know. They would blindly trust whatever they were told, without questioning a damn thing.

They always wanted someone to tell them what to do. 

But really, it’s hard to blame them. We’re conditioned from childhood to put all of our trust in an external authority:

There are a lot of wounded people out there who get a false sense of self worth/power/control by telling people what to do. And when they tell people what to do and they listen, it feels good. It makes them feel smart. And valued. So they keep doing it. (Wounds and beliefs, y’all).

But is the advice they’re offering really in your best interest? Sometimes, I’m sure. God can, and will speak to us through other people, especially if it’s to confirm we’re going in the right direction or to get us back on track.

Imagine if you will, that you want to buy a new car. You’ve done your research, you’ve test driven some cars and there was one that just felt right. You’re gonna buy it.

But. You’ve told people about what you’re doing and everyone has fucking opinion about what you should do. Suddenly, you’re not feeling so sure about your choice. Your coworker said that they heard the model you like isn’t really that good. Your sister doesn’t like the color. A friend made a snide comment about the cost. 

So you cave and get the car your dad said was best because he knows cars better than you and you were probably wrong anyway. 

And you hate it.

You might read that and think, “Why on earth would you let someone talk you out of what you want? It’s your money, get the car you want!” (Also, do you frequently give out unsolicited advice?)

Or, you’re nodding because this has happened to you. A lot. *raises hand in solidarity*

The thing is, this kind of thing happens alllllll the time when you don’t trust yourself. You let the opinions of the world sway you even if you’ve taken the steps to make an informed decision and feel like you know the right choice.

And, before you know it, you’re living a life based on what other people think you should do and you’re miserable.

The good news is, change is always possible and it’s easiest done through small, consistent actions over time. And there are some simple steps you can take to get started on the road to self trust:

Awareness is always the first step to making any change and it can be as simple as asking, “Do I trust myself or do I let myself get swayed by advice, unsolicited or otherwise?”

Your ego might chime in and say that of course that’s never happened to you - you’re in charge of you! Ask it to provide examples. If it can’t, it’s just trying to protect you from a hard truth. And there’s nothing wrong with you if this happens to you.

Every incredible transformation in my life has started with the resolute decision to make the change, no matter how uncomfortable it would feel.

Acknowledging that there will be discomfort makes it so much easier because you’re prepared when it happens and can just say, “Oh, here’s that discomfort, this is kinda gross. But I’ll keep going because soon it will feel better.”

It really is that simple. Frankly, we make things so, so much harder than they need to be. Again, wounds and beliefs.

Unsolicited advice will likely never go away. Someone will always pipe in with their opinion of what you should do.

What can change, though, is how you receive it. And one of the best ways you can do that is to filter the advice through this question:

“Do I want to emulate the person giving me this advice on this specific topic?”

This is huge. If your broke friend is giving you financial advice, you probably shouldn’t listen to them. But if your rich friend is sharing how they choose what to spend their money on, maybe listen up. 

If your divorced friend who is currently unhappy in yet another relationship is giving you marriage advice, you probably shouldn’t listen to them. If the man who’s been happily married for 30 years is giving you a tip on keeping the passion alive, maybe listen up.

(Although, I’ve found that a lot of successful people wait to be approached for advice because they know that you’re serious if you're actively seeking it out.) 

And, if after asking that question, you decide the advice is valuable and something you’ll use, you can say thank you and smile and nod and walk away.

And if it’s not, you can smile and nod and walk away. Because throat punching people is frowned upon.

Trust yourself. You really are the best authority on you.

*Please also filter my unsolicited advice.