Hi, I’m Nina, a Catholic Mystic (with a heavy emphasis on the mystic), learning how to incorporate the Rule of St. Benedict into my every day life. Welcome.

I used to spend hours scrolling on my phone watching cat video after cat video. I especially love the one of the two cats meowing at each other, where one is just like, WTF my guy.

Which meant that the Instagram algorithm would reward me with EVEN MORE CAT VIDEOS.

Mmmmmm, dopamine.

So were the books I would devour in the evening while I sipped on glass after glass of Prosecco or bourbon.

I just wanted to ignore reality and the dissatisfaction and the nagging feeling that I was meant for so much more, but instead I was living the same miserable day after day.

Thankfully, I got a big reset after I got divorced and God beckoned me back home.

One, I deactivated Instagram and deleted all social media apps off my phone. I low-key thought I was going to go through withdrawals but within two hours I was struck with this sense of lightness and freedom.

Buh-bye doom scrolling.

(Thankfully, a couple friends will still sometimes send wonderful cat videos that they screen record for me. I feel so loved.)

Two, I started walking every day. Since it was warm out, I’d spend an hour outside basking in the sunshine while I prayed. Okay, really, most of the time I was just worrying at God, but it feels more holy to call it praying.

Sometimes, He would give me a visual, like the time I saw Him in a garden, large and dressed in overalls, sitting next to some garden boxes, whistling while he turned the soil and pulled weeds.

“Those weeds are your wounds, Little Bird, and some of them have really deep roots.”

Another time, I got a visual of myself in a video game, like an itty, bitty Mario. I was running through the game, leaping over obstacles, making my way up to a cabin on a mountain.

At the same time, I saw God as a gamer, sitting at a screen playing the video game and I could see myself running on the screen. As my character opened the cabin door, I switched to real life and He turned to me with a huge smile and said, “You made it, I knew you would find me! Finding me is just the first level, Little Bird. Many people get stuck there, but there are many more levels beyond. It’s time for the next one.”

And then there was the one I saw after God upended everything for me.

He said He would while I was journaling one day and I had no idea what it meant, until He put two books in my path that shook away all the dogma I was starting to cling to and took my faith down to it’s foundation: That God is the Creator of all, and the Way that Jesus taught is what brings us back into alignment and Oneness with the lover of our souls.

God showed me Himself as a living flame, burning brightly and gloriously. And then I saw all of us as little candles coming down into the world. And He said, “You think your job is to be the best candle you can be, but really, it’s to burn away all that keeps you from becoming a living flame like me.”

Burn away all of the lies we believe about ourselves.

Burn away all the beliefs that keep us from being our true selves.

Burn away everything that holds us back from acknowledging that we are of the Divine and, therefore carry that divinity in us.

Lighting the flame is dying to ourselves and all that we cling to and becoming who we were truly created to be.

We try to be perfect little candles, desperately protecting our wicks so they don’t catch fire.

We don’t see that without that spark, we will always feel a longing for more because we are not truly in alignment with the mission we came here to fulfill.

The mission is to be YOU. Not the you hiding all the wounds that need healing. Not the you you think the world wants you to be.

We can’t be fully alive if we don’t silence the distractions and acknowledge that we are truly made for more. More than just living a perpetual Groundhog Day of working and consuming and distracting from the misery.

When we are fully alive and living in alignment with our purpose, that’s true joy.

It’s time to light the flame.

I don’t believe in accidents. If you’re reading this, it’s either to:

The purpose of what I do is to help you dig deep into your awareness of God and self (read what I mean in my Manifesto of Love) so you can step into who you really are and create a life of joy, meaning and purpose. One that helps you love others better because you love yourself so much. One that brings you comfort, peace and love no matter what you face.

If these posts have been resonating with you, I’m so glad. Be sure to subscribe, so you get notified when something new is published.

Thanks for sticking around.

p.s. I made it through a whole post without swearing. Fuck yeah!

p.p.s. The tagline may or may not be a reference to my favorite video of all time and the best thing to come out of the C*%VID shit show.