My husband and I have been living like monks for nearly a year. Well, sort of. We pause for prayer multiple times each day, integrate lectio divina (holy reading) into our lives, and make our way up to Mount Angel Abbey almost once a month. We’re doing this as oblate novices who are integrating the Rule of St. Benedict into our lives, with the intention of making our final oblation at the oblate retreat next month.

This does not mean that we are mini monks, rather it is a vow to prioritize God, prayer, and meditating on scripture as much as possible in the regular world.

My sister-in-law asked my husband recently why we like the Abbey so much and his response was, “We love going there because everyone agrees that God is the most important thing.” And that is why we’ve decided to become oblates - so we can order our lives around what matters most in the form of prayer, formation, and prioritizing connection with our family and others through hospitality.

This has definitely been a learning process and not without its challenges. There are things that I’ve learned that I think apply to anyone aspiring to devote themselves to God, whether they want to be an oblate or not.

Like any commitment, this requires discipline. Prioritizing prayer, lectio divina, and time with and for God is not something that will just happen on its own - it needs to be approached intentionally, like working out regularly.

You have to decide to do it, plan when you are going to do it, and show up, even when you don’t feel like it. Because there are days when you won’t feel like it. Maybe you’re tired, or you have a lot of unexpected work to do or you go on vacation. Or something “better” comes up to do during your intended time.

You have to decide if you’re going to stick to your commitment or adjust so that your prayer time happens, otherwise it will just be cast aside.

If you do miss a day or one of your scheduled prayer times in the day, it’s not the end of the world. Unless you let that keep you from getting back at it. Like missing a workout, it’s an opportunity to recommit to your discipline and decide if you will just do it at another time that day or go right back to the regular time tomorrow.

Consistency is better than perfection - it demonstrates maturity and commitment.

If you can only pray the invitatory and night prayer because that’s when your littles are sleeping, that’s perfect.

If you only get to evening prayer because that’s the only time to do it with your family and that’s important to you, excellent.

If you work and can only get in midday prayer at lunch and either morning or evening depending on your schedule, great.

If you have the flexibility and want to pray all hours of the office, sweet.

I had a moment where I wasn’t sure if this was really what I was supposed to do, despite several personalized signs that made me make the initial commitment. (I suppose that’s why there is a year-long novitiate - so you can discern these things).

I mean, there are so many options - Dominican, Franciscan, Carmelite, Jesuit - was Benedictine even the right charism for me or just the door to introduce me to this kind of thing and lead me to where I was supposed to be? I researched and prayed and sat with the uncertainty.

The Benedictine charism lines right up with my own values, especially hospitality, in a way that the others did not. But still. Could I be wrong?

And then I remembered that God is happy to give wisdom when you ask for it and has done so literally countless times for me in the past. So I asked for it shortly before going to the Abbey for one of our monthly formation classes.

As we were being told that the feast day of Saints Mary, Martha, and Lazarus is a very important day for Benedictines because of their hospitality to Christ, I felt God say, “Is this enough of a sign for you?” Because that day just happens to be my birthday.

My aim is to order my life around the things that matter most and flourish in the process. (I believe Christ when He said that He came that we may have life and have it to the full.)

The things that matter most to me are prayer/stillness in many forms (more on that soon), connection, movement, growth, and purpose.

Prioritizing those things means learning to ask, “What can I do less of? What can I let go of? Is my motivation for doing this love or pride? Is this commitment in alignment with what is most important in my life?”

There’s also a reason why monks have so few material possessions. They can get in the way, no matter how good they are. This process has helped me see how I’ve let more things creep in over the years (I used to be a minimalist and we lived in a school bus with our kids at one point).

All this to say that while it requires commitment and is not without its challenges, if you want to prioritize God out in the real world, it is possible. BUT. It always requires dedication and discipline because it is far too easy for, “I’ll just skip it this one time,” to happen every day.

Isn’t that true with anything that matters? It’s why they say, “If it was easy, everyone would do it.” I’d argue that it does get easier over time, as your mindset shifts and you come to prefer the peace of the presence of God over the trivial distractions of this world.

But there is still a need for intentional dedication, especially in the beginning as you form new habits.

Over time, what was challenging becomes habit, but hopefully never to the point where it becomes mindless and the real aim is forgotten - a close relationship with God and the joy of living in His presence.